Thursday, June 11, 2009

Facebook Unfriends, Forever!

This blog post on is hilarious. I confess, I have un-friended people on Facebook for similar reasons.

Hey, how you doing? Good to hear.

So, we've been Facebook pals for a few months now. When I first saw your friend request, I smiled, because to be honest, I hadn't thought of you in years. Then I realized why that was: I haven't seen you since we were 10. Just in case math is not your forte, that is 30 years ago. To drive that point obnoxiously home, I have spent roughly 3/4 of my life not thinking about you. Still, when I saw the request, I chuckled and felt all nostalgicaly, and said yes. I've looked at your pictures (you and your family have a very All-American vibe), read your status updates and perused your essays. Therein lie the problem.

Look, there's no easy way to say this, and I'm not a beat-around-the-bush kind of guy, so I'm going to take the BandAid approach and just rip this fucker off: We can't be friends anymore, because, you sir, are insane.

Sure, that may seem like an overstatement on my part. I could play the whole "it's not you, it's me" card, but I won't. Because it's not me, it's you. It's clearly you. Hooboy, is it ever you. To put it bluntly, you, my friend, are one cashew short of being completly nuts.

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